JOKE - VITSER- AFFAIRS FOR CAFE VISITORS

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Five Classic Affairs

The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his
secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all
afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes
and
drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I
can't
lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes
and said: "You lying bastard! You've
been playing golf!"



The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son
they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and
delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the
nursery to see his new son. He was
horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his
wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two
beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind
my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
"Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body
of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private
part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,"
the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with
such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
posterity." So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it
home "I have something to show you won't believe,"
he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed,
"Schwartz is dead!"



The 4th Affair A woman was in bed
with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the
corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him
with
talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you,"
she said, " pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the
husband
inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I
liked it so I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen
and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two
days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the
bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one
cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at
the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the
barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's
the guy who owns this place?" The bartender
replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The
man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with
your wife?" The bartender replied:"The same thing I'm doing to his business down
here."

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